Just Listen

This is a picture of The Younger when we went to Lettuce Lake Park this weekend. She lay on a bench and just watched the birds and listened to the wind, and it served as a nice reminder that if we are just still and listen every once in a while, we’ll hear all sorts of interesting things; even things our own hearts are saying to us.

I Hope You Know

I hope you know … above all else, you are the driving force behind what I do and what I fight for.

I hope you know … inside I’m crying when I have to do something for your own good that I know you won’t like.

I hope you know … it doesn’t hurt any less when I have to keep you from doing something you want to do when it isn’t good for you. “No” is not my favorite word no matter what you may think.

I hope you know . .. every time we go to the doctor and you complain, I talk about all the good that will come of it and remind you that things are so much better than they used to be because inside I also feel like complaining; I’m really saying all of of those things in an attempt to remind myself, too.

I hope you know … when you cry because you don’t want to wear your hearing aids or because something isn’t right inside a world that I can’t understand, I get frustrated because I can’t help you, and I know this is the way life is going to be. This is your reality. I give you the speech about looking at the bright side, but inside I’m so angry that you have to live this way that I can barely see straight.

I hope you know … when I hear another child say mean things to you, my heart shatters into a million pieces. Even if you don’t hear it, I carry it in my very soul. I pray every day, sometimes every hour, in the hopes you never have to know meanness and discrimination.

I hope you know … every time the phone rings when you’re at school, my heart skips a beat in fear that something has happened to you and I wasn’t there to keep you safe.

I hope you know … when I pick you up from school my stomach still knots up in fear that you’ve had a “bad day.” When I see your smile and your ‘thumbs-up” sign, my heartbeat slows down and I say a prayer of thanks.

I hope you know … these have been some of the most stressful, painful, heart-wrenching days of my life. Even when I’m smiling and laughing, there are days when I’m fighting so hard to stay positive that I’m surprised I haven’t broken in half. But…

I hope you know … none of it is a result of you; it’s in spite of you , and it’s because of you that I haven’t completely fallen apart.

I hope you know … even though I’ve been angry sometimes these past few months, I’m also grateful. I never thought we’d be dealing with all we have been, but I’m proud of what we’ve accomplished as a family.

I hope you know … I am in awe every single day. Watching you succeed in so many ways and seeing how happy you’ve become is amazing! Even when we have our backsliding moments, I find myself thankful of where we are. I’ll never be prouder of you than I am today… excluding, of course, all of the yesterdays and the tomorrows.